Your I.Q., E.Q. and R.Q.

Many people are proud of their intelligence quotient. If they are considered highly intelligent and obtain distinctions in school and college, the chances are that they will obtain lucrative employment and make their mark in the world.

Some parents subtly boast about their children's academic prowess. They are ready to make significant sacrifices to give their children the best education they can afford. In addition to regular school, some parents insist on daily tuition. Such children virtually attend two schools and have hardly any time to play. Perhaps they score high marks, but at what cost?

Other parents enrol their children in various non-academic courses. Parents are busy driving their children to school, to sports and to dancing lessons. Children are constantly competing with each other for excellence. There is little time for them to help in household tasks, gardening or shopping where they learn valuable lessons about life. Children no longer learn Bible stories and lives of saints from grandparents. They are too busy. Will the values they imbibe be helpful for a lasting marriage? If, later as a husband (or wife), he wants to be the best, to win at all costs, to have his own way, to impress his wife by his talents or skills, to be in charge, to control, he will not have a happy spouse. He may be a perfectionist who expects his children in turn to be high achievers.

Emotional quotient is the measure of how we integrate our emotions into our self-structure and how we channel them in facing various situations in daily life. When we face crises do we over-react? Do we seek to escape from reality into alcohol and drugs, or develop an illness that frees us from responsibility? It is not desirable to protect our children from facing problems in daily life. They need to learn to deal with problems, with faith and courage. Learning to accept and channel all our feelings positively, helps us later on in real life.

Each of us has an emotional bank account into which we can make deposits or withdrawals. When we are loved, affirmed, appreciated, encouraged, trusted and forgiven we tend to build up this account. When we are criticised, condemned, belittled, disregarded and ignored we may empty out our " e.b.a."

When we are immature, we tend to depend on others for our self-esteem and self worth, since we see ourselves through the eyes of significant others in our lives. But all of us have to assume responsibility for our behaviour and decisions and not allow criticism to affect us adversely.

God is one of these significant others. Being precious in the eyes of God and the apple of his eye, is so very important. Failures and setbacks that are part of life, will not crush those who believe God loves them for who they are and not for how well they do. Nevertheless, each one of us can be a channel of God's love to the members of our family. He uses our arms to hug, our hands to caress and to help in simple acts of service in the home. He uses our lips to speak words that give life and build up others. We can also be agents of the evil one, when our words and actions destroy or tarnish the image and likeness of God. Jesus particularly warns those who scandalise little ones and lead them astray. What example do we set in the home? What values do our children imbibe from us?

Relationship Quotient measures seven ways in which intimates may relate to each other:

1. Sharing,
2. Listening,
3. Nurturing,
4. Affirmation,
5. Spiritual,
6. Developmental, and
7. Physical.

Sharing RQ

Listening RQ

Nurturing RQ

Affirmation RQ

Spiritual RQ

Developmental RQ

Physical RQ

So let us give due value to I.Q., E.Q. and R.Q. All gifts come from God. But the greatest of them is love. Humility is an important ingredient of love.

God is love. The family is a domestic church in which God dwells. Where two or more are gathered together in his name, He is present. Spouses, parents and children, siblings and members of the extended family are called to live in varying degrees of relationship, as children of a God who is Love.