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Monday, March 27, 2017
Inside Holy Spirit Interactive

For Better or for Worse
Holy Spirit Interactive: Fr. Peter deSousa: Your I.Q., E.Q. and R.Q.

Your I.Q., E.Q. and R.Q.

by Fr. Peter deSousa

Many people are proud of their intelligence quotient. If they are considered highly intelligent and obtain distinctions in school and college, the chances are that they will obtain lucrative employment and make their mark in the world.

Some parents subtly boast about their children's academic prowess. They are ready to make significant sacrifices to give their children the best education they can afford. In addition to regular school, some parents insist on daily tuition. Such children virtually attend two schools and have hardly any time to play. Perhaps they score high marks, but at what cost?

Other parents enrol their children in various non-academic courses. Parents are busy driving their children to school, to sports and to dancing lessons. Children are constantly competing with each other for excellence. There is little time for them to help in household tasks, gardening or shopping where they learn valuable lessons about life. Children no longer learn Bible stories and lives of saints from grandparents. They are too busy. Will the values they imbibe be helpful for a lasting marriage? If, later as a husband (or wife), he wants to be the best, to win at all costs, to have his own way, to impress his wife by his talents or skills, to be in charge, to control, he will not have a happy spouse. He may be a perfectionist who expects his children in turn to be high achievers.

Emotional quotient is the measure of how we integrate our emotions into our self-structure and how we channel them in facing various situations in daily life. When we face crises do we over-react? Do we seek to escape from reality into alcohol and drugs, or develop an illness that frees us from responsibility? It is not desirable to protect our children from facing problems in daily life. They need to learn to deal with problems, with faith and courage. Learning to accept and channel all our feelings positively, helps us later on in real life.

Each of us has an emotional bank account into which we can make deposits or withdrawals. When we are loved, affirmed, appreciated, encouraged, trusted and forgiven we tend to build up this account. When we are criticised, condemned, belittled, disregarded and ignored we may empty out our " e.b.a."

When we are immature, we tend to depend on others for our self-esteem and self worth, since we see ourselves through the eyes of significant others in our lives. But all of us have to assume responsibility for our behaviour and decisions and not allow criticism to affect us adversely.

God is one of these significant others. Being precious in the eyes of God and the apple of his eye, is so very important. Failures and setbacks that are part of life, will not crush those who believe God loves them for who they are and not for how well they do. Nevertheless, each one of us can be a channel of God's love to the members of our family. He uses our arms to hug, our hands to caress and to help in simple acts of service in the home. He uses our lips to speak words that give life and build up others. We can also be agents of the evil one, when our words and actions destroy or tarnish the image and likeness of God. Jesus particularly warns those who scandalise little ones and lead them astray. What example do we set in the home? What values do our children imbibe from us?

Relationship Quotient measures seven ways in which intimates may relate to each other:

  1. Sharing,
  2. Listening,
  3. Nurturing,
  4. Affirmation,
  5. Spiritual,
  6. Developmental, and
  7. Physical.

Sharing RQ

Do you share your inner feelings and thoughts, when appropriate, or do you keep them to yourself? Does either of you have to guess how the other feels? How open or closed are you with each member of the family in sharing?

Listening RQ

Do you listen attentively and with understanding to the other person, or do you turn him/her off? Does either of you respond just out of habit, or do you give your full attention to why your partner says what he or she does as well as what he or she says? How much do you listen or not listen to each member of the family?

Nurturing RQ

Do you support, encourage, aid, cherish, and are you loyal, or does either of you tear down, neglect, hinder, leave the other alone? Do you believe the other is actively looking out for your best interests at all times? How much do you support or tear down each member of the family?

Affirmation RQ

Do you verbally affirm each other by praising or speaking well of him/her to the person and/or to others, or does either of you habitually criticize, belittle, blame, reprimand or condemn the other person? How much do you praise or criticize each member of the family?

Spiritual RQ

Do you talk with each other about your spiritual journey? Do you openly share what is happening in your relationship with God, your struggles, your victories and your dreams? Or does either of you remain distant, closed, or uncommunicative about your spiritual state? How intimate or distant are you in sharing your spirituality with each member of the family?

Developmental RQ

Do you help the other person to feel free to grow and become all that God intended him or her to be or does either of you manipulate, restrict or maneuver the other person to make him/her do or be what you want? In what specific ways do you free or manipulate each member of the family?

Physical RQ

Are you affectionate and relate appropriately to the other person in a physical sense, or does either of you remain unresponsive, disinterested or cold toward the other person? How do you show affection or appear unresponsive to each member of the family?

So let us give due value to I.Q., E.Q. and R.Q. All gifts come from God. But the greatest of them is love. Humility is an important ingredient of love.

God is love. The family is a domestic church in which God dwells. Where two or more are gathered together in his name, He is present. Spouses, parents and children, siblings and members of the extended family are called to live in varying degrees of relationship, as children of a God who is Love.

Fr. Peter deSousa (August 21, 2004)

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