Time Together

Yesterday my husband and I sat down together for breakfast and when we were done, I took my one-a-day vitamin pill. I am a true believer in taking care of my health by practicing wellness—I exercise, eat well, and sleep as much as my schedule allows. You know that old saying, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."

As a long-time marriage therapist, I am certain this philosophy applies equally well to keeping marriages healthy. There are some definite things all couples can and should do on a regular basis to prevent serious problems from arising that might chisel away at their love, friendship and passion. At the very top of this "love insurance" list is the importance of spending time together.

Spending time with your spouse helps him or her to feel appreciated, important and loved. It tells your spouse in no uncertain terms, "You matter to me." Time together gives people opportunities to touch base with each other, to collect new memories, do activities they enjoy, laugh at each other’s jokes and to renew their love.

Sometimes couples complain that their time is limited because they’re so busy. The good news is that you don’t need to spend enormous amounts of time together to breed closeness and connection. Regular, brief get-togethers work too. Small changes in your schedule can make a huge difference. And, whatever you do, don’t leave "rendezvousing" up to chance. You need to plan and schedule dates together. Write these dates in your daytimer the same way you would a business appointment. Marriage is serious business.

Unfortunately, after the honeymoon period ends, too many couples forget to make their marriages a number one priority. They start to take each other for granted. Everything else seems more important—careers, children, hobbies, community involvement, and personal pursuits. And when marriages aren’t attended to as they should be, trouble sets in. Couples start arguing about every little thing. Or, they simply grow apart. And although growing apart isn’t a marital death sentence, it requires hard work to set things on course. You can avoid this bump in the road by following these simple do’s and don’ts:

1. If you have children, do get a babysitter so that you and your partner can have time alone. The best thing you can do for your kids is make your marriage work.

2. Don’t waste time trying to figure out whose fault it is that you haven’t been spending time together. It really doesn’t matter.

3. Don’t let angry feelings get in the way of making plans with your partner. Research shows that the fastest way to change how you feel is by taking action. Doing something enjoyable together will make you and your partner feel more loving.

4. Don’t think you have to go to a tropical island to make time together meaningful. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to show your love for your partner. Go for a walk around the block. Read a novel together. Set aside ten minutes each day to talk. Ride a bike. Be creative.

5. Take a marriage education class together. It will be worth your time.

Finally, always keep in mind that there’s little that’s more important in life than loving people and having them love you back. Give the gift of your time. It will be well worth your while.