Body, Hearts and Minds: A Spiritual Journey
By Mary Jo Pedersen
He likes to sleep with the fan on high. I like the room still and perfectly quiet. He is a thinking type who needs to gather all the facts before making a decision. I like to wing it! My spouse and I are very different and those differences have been an essential part of our spiritual journey together.
On our wedding day we listened to the nuptial blessing that we "no longer be two, but one flesh". I thought that meant we would be united in making love and making babies. Shortly after our first disagreement about the fan, I began to realize that the greater challenge of becoming "one flesh" in our first years together had to do with joining our minds and hearts as well as our bodies. The Christian tradition of marriage invites couples into a deeply spiritual communion with one another and with God
That sounds pretty lofty and you may think that long hours of prayer would be the only pathway to that kind of experience of God. True, prayer is important. Recent research shows that shared prayer is a major predictor of stability and satisfaction for couples. But what could the deeply spiritual union of two lovers with God have to do with whether the fan is on or off?
Everything.
A couple’s spiritual life has to do with daily efforts at negotiating differences, celebrating successes, and sacrificing selfish desires for the "us" that is gradually becoming. It is not separate from the routines and joys of everyday life. A couple’s spiritual life has to do as much with making love and it does with making the bed. Spouses are formed spiritually in daily invitations to be more generous, patient and forgiving with one another. Our differences call us to conversion on a regular basis. Sometimes that spiritual discipline is as simple as picking up clothes off the floor. Other times it is as heroic as moving to another city to benefit a spouse’s career.
Random acts of love and care for one another are steps into God’s presence. Every forgiven failing provides a glimpse of Divine mercy. God is love and every mundane effort to love moves us toward the deep spiritual connection promised in the nuptial blessing.
No two couples will experience the mystery of God’s presence in the same way. Some will find it watching a sunset or taking long walks together. Others will experience it while in service to others or at the time of a loved one’s illness or death.
Gradually over the years, an "us" emerges. A deep appreciation develops around the experience of belonging to each other, not in the sense of owning one another, but in being accepted as part of the other. This profound experience of communion is a window through which one can see the face of God.
Below are some questions to help you explore and deepen the unique spiritual connection developing between you:
Questions for Reflection
In what ways are you becoming one in mind and heart?
What have your differences taught you about yourselves?
When and where are you most aware of God’s presence in and around you?
Which of you would be more likely to initiate a common prayer time? When would it be best to do that? And how?
Mary Jo Pedersen, M.A. is an author and teacher in the areas of marriage and family spirituality. She is a writer for Catholic News Service and has produced family ministry resources for parishes and co-authored several books for parents and couples which include More Than Meets the Eye, Finding God in the Creases and Folds of Family life, St. Mary’s Press, 2000 and Sharing the Faith With Your Child, Age 7-14, Liguori Publications.
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