Teaching by Example
John Zimmer
It is told that Mark Twain once had an interesting conversation with a wealthy Boston businessman who made his money by taking advantage of the poor and disadvantaged. “Before I die,” the businessman boasted, “I intend to make a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. I will climb Mt. Sinai and read the Ten Commandments aloud from the top of the mountain.” Mark Twain replied, “I have a better idea. Why don’t you stay in Boston and try to keep them.”
This story hits at one of the truths of leadership—it is simply much easier to talk about morality and virtue than it is to actually practice them. Having good values is essential, but actually doing what you value is the hard part. Jesus Himself challenges us to put our words into action when He says, “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you?” (Lk. 6:46).
While growing in virtue is a good unto itself, it is a good of supreme importance in the rearing of children. Children imitate their parents, and actions often speak louder than words. This article will examine our high calling as Christian leaders and how we might practically live that out in the modern world.
Imitate Christ
As the father of three small children, I’m constantly reminded of just how much children imitate their parents. One Sunday morning at Mass, my four-year-old son was playing with Kleenex. He would push the tissue up his nose and leave it dangling there for all to see. After I had pulled the tissue out three or four times only to have him put it back in, I whispered to him somewhat exasperated, “Zachary, keep the tissue out of your nose!” He loudly replied, “But I want to be like daddy!” You see, I often walk around the house with a tissue in my nose. (He didn’t mention to those who overheard that I frequently have nosebleeds!)
Humans learn through imitation. We all look up to heroes. We all model ourselves after others. If this is true of adults, it is even truer of children. And while children will imitate their friends, the primary influence in early childhood and adolescence (the most formative years) is their parents. This brings us back to the importance of virtue and character. On the level of nature, our children will be able to grow in virtue to the degree that we, their parents, are virtuous ourselves.
Spitting Image
When Jesus Christ came to this earth, He came to perfectly model virtue. The character of God is one of perfect righteousness and virtue. As Christians, and especially as Christian parents, our goal should be to assimilate the character of Christ as our own. One of the key ways that the Bible speaks about character and virtue is “image.” In the Bible, the word “image” has a powerful literary sense. It means that something shares uniquely in that which it reflects; it is not simply a shadow or representation. Colossians 1:15, a passage often used to assert the divinity of Christ, states that Jesus is “the image of the invisible God.” To say that Jesus is the image of God is to say that He perfectly reflects God, He shares perfectly in the nature of God.
Genesis 1:26 tells us that man is made in the image and likeness of God. To say that man is made in the “image” of God is to say that in some fundamental way, albeit a very limited way, human beings share in the nature of God. God’s intention in making us was not to make a photo or a representation of Himself, but to make us share in His very nature. The problem, as we all know, is that we lost it. Through sin, the image of God in us was tarnished. Thankfully, God in His mercy and love sent His Son Jesus to redeem mankind. Jesus Christ’s redemptive work is about restoring God’s image in us.
When we talk about growing in character and virtue, we are talking about growing in the image of God. It is not about simply doing nice things because Jesus told us to do them. It’s much deeper than that. It’s about allowing our nature to be transformed into the character—the very nature— of God.
Like Father, Like Son
Following Genesis 1:26, the very next passage in the Bible that speaks about “image” is Genesis 5:3, where it says, “Adam had lived a hundred and thirty years, he became the father of a son in his own likeness, after his image, and named him Seth.” One of the most important things to understand about sonship in the Old Testament is that the son is understood to be the image of the father. When the son did things for that father, it was as if the father were actually doing them. The son is as good as the father. The son represents his father, and when he acts in his father’s name, it is as if the father himself had acted. Knowing this, let’s go back and read again Genesis 1:26.
Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.”
Notice what is happening here— God is giving humanity dominion over creation. Dominion is God’s job! God is saying, “Let’s make man in our image like a son, and give him the job that would be ours, to govern the universe, and he will do it for us.” God is entrusting to us, His created children, the job that is rightfully His. It’s not a master-slave relationship, but a son who is doing the work of his father.
We have been given roles and responsibilities that really belong to God. This should raise the level of our dedication as parents. It’s God’s job to raise children, and yet He has entrusted that role to us. What an awesome yet terrifying responsibility.
Practically speaking then, there are two issues related to character formation that we should be concerned about as parents. First, how do we as parents grow in the character of Christ? Second, how do we help our children to grow in the image of Christ?
Who’s Your Daddy?
We must constantly remind ourselves that God is our Father. The devil, who is prowling around like a roaring lion (cf. 1 Pet. 5:8), is desperately trying to mold us into his image. Although we were intended to bear the image of God the Father, we can also bear the image of the father of lies. Ultimately there are only two models out there to follow. We need to choose to follow Christ. I would like to suggest three practical ways to orient ourselves toward the image of God. In each of these are suggestions for how parents and children can choose to mirror the image of God.
Spend time with your Father
For you: We need to spend time with God in prayer, opening ourselves to His grace and asking Him to reveal which images we hold that are not of Him. Sincerely ask Jesus to help you take on His image in a deeper and more real way. “Prayer restores man to God’s likeness” (Catechism, no. 2572).
For your children: There is a vital need for parents to spend time (both quality and quantity) with their children. One of the key identity-forming factors is a relationship with older people, especially fathers and mothers. We live in an age when schoolage children spend more waking hours with non-familial relations than they do with their family. Those relationships will impress upon them images, many of which are non- Christian. Three hundred years ago, sons worked with their fathers in the field, and daughters were in the home with their mothers. While we can’t go back to that time, we can make every effort to spend time with our children, helping them to be formed by our relationships with them.
Fill the mind with Christ-like images (Phil. 4:7-8)
For you: Meditate upon the Scriptures. Read the lives of the saints. Fill your mind with noble images of people with a Christ-like character. The more you fill your mind with godly images, the easier it will be to follow those same images.
For your children: In addition to reading the lives of the saints, which is particularly helpful for children, be aware of what images fill children’s minds. Our society is constantly throwing images at our children— from movies and music to athletics and advertisements. Choose wisely what images your children are exposed to throughout the day.
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Grow in virtue (2 Pet. 1:5-8)
For you: Reflect on your vices and where you need to grow in virtue. Pick a single virtue (don’t try to fix everything at once) and actively try to grow. Ask someone to hold you accountable to this. Be very practical.
For your children: A great way to help young children grow in virtue is through the practice of etiquette. Practicing kindness by saying please and thank you will help the same child to practice kindness in other ways. Manners are the guardians of virtue, and as a side benefit, wellmannered children create a more hospitable home! As children grow older and enter into adolescence, you can help them develop more “significant” virtues.
The Catechism reaffirms the constant teaching that parents are the first and primary educators of their children. Perhaps this teaching points at an underlying truth, that parents are the primary educators of their children whether they actively choose that role or not. Hebrews 6:12 encourages us to be “imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.” May we imitate Christ and those who follow Him, so that our children may do the same.
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John Zimmer is the Director of Staff Formation for the Fellowship of Catholic University Students (FOCUS) in Greeley, CO (www.focusonline.org). Article reproduced with permission from Lay Witness magazine. Copyright © Catholics United for the Faith. All rights reserved.
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