What do you do if you think you may be called and you don't want to go?
Jane asks:
I am 21 and a college senior graduating in December 2002. I have been in discernment for a year now. Fr., I am so thankful that God may be calling me to religious life, and I have a deep love for the Church and Him; however, what do you do if you think you may be called and you don't want to go? I desire so badly to have children and a husband. I know that religious life is a sacrifice and a gift from Him. But what will happen if I am called and do not follow it? Will God be angry? Thank you Fr. for your time and consideration.
Dear Jane,
Our vocation is what God made us for. It is not the only thing that we are capable of doing with our lives, but it is certainly what we were made for and where God has in store for us all the happiness he can give us. If you or me were God we would probably say to someone who didn't do what we wanted, "Okay, if that's the way you want it you're on your own, forget about any help from me." But God is not like that. When we sinned he came himself to die and take away our sin. He never stops wanting to pardon and make us new again, if only we cooperate with him. Even if we sin directly to his face, betray him with a kiss, he will still try to save us.
So, I wouldn't speak about God being angry if we don't follow the vocation he planned for us. Yes, I would speak about him being sad. All the good he meant us to do is not going to be done by us. There is a big gap in his plan, part of the picture he was painting is missing. He may find another solution to this, he will certainly give us opportunities to live a good life with his help and bear fruit and eventually reach heaven, but some sadness must linger from our lack of trust and generosity, thinking of all the good we could have done yet chose not to.
Jane, I think you need to get to know Christ more so that you can begin to love him like he deserves. Choosing him above all else is not a cold, intellectual decision. It is a decision of the heart and the will, moved by grace. It is done in trust and love. So bring more than your mind to prayer, ask for the gift of love; let Christ on the Cross, in the miracles and in the Eucharist move your heart. Ask him what is it that he wants you to do, ask him to open your heart and mind to the beauty of it. Ask him to let you see the good he wants you to do for others, the grace and goodness and hope he wants you to be a sign of.... Don't be afraid to ask him to step in and help you with his grace to do what you are afraid to.
God bless.
Fr. Anthony Bannon
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