How do I know if it's what God wants?

Amber asks:

Dear Amber,

Don't pay too much attention to the dream, it is not the important part of your message.

You want to be 100% sure, but that is not possible before you actually take the step or before you are accepted for final vows. But your question is a good one, it is good that you are not totally satisfied with 'knowing in your heart' that God is calling you. You sense it takes more than that for a vocation, because it could just be your emotions. So you are right in looking for something more.

Before we get into what this something more could be, let me raise a word of caution. You say you know for sure you don't want to get married. Why you don't want to is important and has a bearing on your vocation. If you have nothing against marriage itself but only mean that you have already made up your mind it is not what God is asking on you, fine. But if you have something against marriage, or an aversion to it, you should definitely look into this, because it is not healthy or right. Such an aversion would certainly not be a sign in favor of a vocation, it would probably be a sign against - at least until you overcome it.

Supposing your views on marriage are healthy and Christian, and you feel strongly in your heart that God is calling you to be a nun, there are a few steps you can take.

One, keep praying.

Then: get a spiritual director and talk with him (her) about the impediments to a vocation. If there are none, you can be a little surer of your vocation.

Let the spiritual director get to know you, and judge if your attraction is more than emotion.

Examine how you are living your life now and see how you are doing as regards God's will for you where you are at present. If you are underage, do you obey your parents; if you are at college, do you stand up for your principles; is there discipline in your life (any trouble with weight, anorexia, addictions); if you are a student, do you study... those sort of things. It is amazing how often we want to be saints, right on the top of the ladder, yet we never take the step onto the first rung. You are not going to be magically transformed when you join the convent, and if you live for yourself now you will have a rough time then. The change will be too much. So test your vocation by being what you should be now.

Then you should also look into specific orders, and visit them. You need to do this so as to see if you really fit. Really fitting doesn't mean you do not find it difficult, it just means there is a sense of being at home there, an identification with the spirit you see in the nuns.

All of the above will help you confirm if what you are feeling in your heart is something that comes from God, and if you should act on it. Once you join, and then live the life to the full you will be in a position to gain 100% certainty over time.