Can you help me overcome my doubts about faith?
Kevin asks:
Allow me to preface my question by saying that I'm an Eastern Catholic. Basically, I used to have great faith when I was younger, but after kinda lapsing into sinful habits, I was away, and then came back. Now fighting those habits is hard. It also kinda clouded my view on things. The strong faith I used to have is gone, and I'm filled with doubts as to my faith. Not that I doubt the teachings of the church, they make sense, but I don't have that strong a faith in God as I used to. I find myself sometimes doubting His existence, whether He's out there or not. This happens especially when I'm really struggling with things. On the other hand, I feel that I might have a vocation to the priesthood, perhaps as a married priest, as our Church allows this, in accordance with our traditions. No matter how I try to put it away, that thought keeps coming back, and other people have told me I should go for it. Since I feel this way, perhaps I am being called, and since no one else is calling me to anything, I figure it must be God. So in some ways, my problem is how we can know the existence of God for sure, but at the same time, I don't think I doubt that so much as I don't have that strong faith and conviction that many others do. Oftentimes, it doesn't seem real to me. I try praying, and for a short while, things seem to get better, but then when I have my struggles, all kinds of thoughts come to mind, and with them an extra thought, that my prayer was in vain, as my problems are still here. I would like to have a deeper relationship with God, except that whenever I try, something is always messed up, and I just drop down further, it seems. It's real frustrating, and these two seemingly contradictory things don't really help it too much, so I'm hoping you could help me. Thank you for your time in helping me sort out these issues.
Dear Kevin,
One thing we should never forget when we try to give ourselves to the spiritual life is that we have an enemy: Satan. He is not indifferent and he doesn't believe in being a passive observer. He has no shame and doesn't believe in fairness either. He is not going to give you a fair chance. So when you find yourself tempted to doubt you know where it is coming from. You can simply put those doubts aside, they are coming from him and not from you. You are trying to grow in your faith, he is trying to disrupt your progress, so don't let him get you off track. Once you have this clear, you have to remind yourself that faith and the spiritual life are not based on feelings but on realities. When your feelings let you down you simply have to say to remind yourself of those realities. Christ is present in the Eucharist, God is your creator and your Father, He does forgive our sins in the sacrament of reconciliation, he is listening when you pray... And keep on going. To grow in prayer and faith there is nothing like going to Mass and Communion. Keep and grow our life of grace: through confession and communion. I think you will also find it much easier to progress if you have a spiritual director to speak with about these things and help you along. I hope this is enough to get you started. Get back in touch with me if I can help you more. God bless.
Fr. Anthony Bannon
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