Interfering Parents

I am an 18-year-old boy and my problem is that my parents are interfering in my life. They keep telling me who I can have as my friends and warning me all the time about not having sex before marriage. They are so busy telling me what I can and cannot do that I don't feel like I can ask them any questions or share my problems with them. What can I do?

Ruby: When we were kids and growing up, we let our parents decide every thing we did. We even welcomed it, basking in all the attention we received. Our parents loved to shower us with affection and give us whatever we asked for - within reasonable means, of course! They did this out of love and a certain sense of responsibility because we couldn't make up our minds or because they were more experienced and we didn't know how to make the right choices.

Coral: As we grow older, we develop a certain sense of identity, and the family no longer becomes the only place where we get our ideas and values from. This urge or need to create a separate Identity for ourselves is in-built and is a normal part of growing up.

However it is often at this very stage that the "war years" begin! A couple of reasons for this are that:

1. Parents themselves are sometimes confused and confronted with a fast changing world for which they themselves may not have answers.

2. Parents who are so used to being in control now find themselves being questioned and they don't know when to 'let go' and trust you to take care of yourself. In their eyes you are still their little baby who needs to be protected.

Ruby: Because of reasons like this, things can easily spiral out of control and many parents and their teens don't even see eye to eye on complicated issues like who you hang out with, sex, late nights and so on. Given all this, it's only too easy to fail to connect with your parents and wonder why they don't see your point of view.

But conflicts, when dealt with positively and creatively, help to bring lasting solutions that benefit all concerned. Your parents are only "fighting" with you because they care for you and want to see you protected. They do have the wisdom of years, which is invaluable, and their advice is often not as silly as it might seem to you. It might help to try to understand why they tell you what they tell you.

Coral: I would suggest that you keep all lines of communication with your parents open, be free and frank in your discussions, but if you can't, try to get someone (an adult, preferably) they trust to talk to them. Pray to the Holy Spirit for guidance on how you should lead your life, whom you should hang out with, what should be your beliefs and so on. Our Lord promised His Holy Spirit to anyone who asks! He is the best friend and comforter you can find.

Ruby: It may take some time before you and your parents can come to terms with each others diverging set of beliefs but who knows, some day you just might come full circle!

E-mail this page to a friend